IS IT YOU OR IS IT ME?
Have you ever felt drained after spending even a small amount of time with them? The feeling then becomes that person drains me. Is this true?
At what point do you think you need to get away from this person? What’s the situation? Is it always the same with this person? Take the time to notice how you feel when you are speaking to different folks. Do you feel lifted, neutral, drained, or annoyed (which also drains) after even a short time with them? At what point does it happen?
Very often there is something being mirrored back to you that you can learn from.
I could feel drained if I get a call from someone and realize that I had not completed what I said I would in the allotted time. I could own my lapse and fess up leaving me neutral and, in some cases, lifted. Maybe everyone under-determined how long it would take and the completion expectation was just more than you…well, expected. Another approach is where I make excuses for it and feel drained.
I could just be in a hurry when someone who I normally enjoy chatting with, is taking too long to share a story so I become impatient and become short with them. Am I being upfront from the beginning, saying I’m pressed for time? The learning is in the mirror by saying what I need so others can provide the space I need to be on time. Is it possible that not being open could cause me to feel drained?
Am I spending unnecessary time with folks I just don’t click with? If it’s family, sometimes you need to suck it up and other times you don’t. What do you need for your well-being? If it’s someone you must work with, is there an opportunity for an honest conversation so you can both get on the same page? I’ve seen these difficult relationships after I worked with only one change dramatically where both people become very friendly at work. No, they all didn’t become away from work pals, but the new level of respect and empathy went a long way for their work relationship.
Look for the learning opportunities for both you and the other person in each situation where you hold up a two-sided mirror between you. When we can learn together vs. teach others, we have an incredible opportunity to affect the world.
Warmly,
Tammy Rowland
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